Recycling Project

My new apartment in NJ has a recycling bin. This is great because I always used to feel bad about dumping a lot of recyclable material in the general trash dumpster when I was in Phoenix. Now I make sure I separate my trash from recyclables. Of course I could have gone the extra mile of storing my recyclables and disposing it elsewhere. But I was one of the lazy guys. Nevertheless, I don't know the reason why recycle dumpsters are not provided in apartments there. I wonder if it is possible for a team to perhaps service an apartment (just one to begin with) regularly for recyclable material disposal. Would surely make a difference.

vishn.com

Now using my new domain for my blog.

http://www.vishn.com

The old URL http://vishr.blogspot.com should be redirected to http://www.vishn.com

Communicating our philosophy of leadership

While working in teams, I think it helps if every individual at some point clarify his or her philosophy of leadership to other members of the team who are in a similar growth path.

Different people have different definitions of leadership. Some would claim that authority on the field, skills, experience and capabilities make a person a capable leader. Others may claim that leader should not be assigned because different people emerge as leaders at different situations because not everyone can be a leader at every time. Some may say that leaders should have power and authority to command over the team they lead - and others may believe that leaders are on the same playing field, and that reason prevails over hierarchy. People have strong opinions about such topics because of their background and upbringing.

When people with different philosophies of leadership meet and work together without knowing each others approach to growth, their way of working collides and there is more room for conflicts. One person's assertive approach may appear rude to the other, and another person's modesty may appear as incapability. On the other hand, it helps if each person communicates his approach to leadership, and helps his team understand his way of handling things and his expectations from everyone else. Ideal would be for some person in the team with the "facilitator" role to create a forum for the team to share these thoughts and come to an understanding as to what would work best for the team as such. When employers are interviewing candidates or when anyone interviewing with a potential employer, it also helps to discuss this topic and evaluate if the environment and the candidate are a good match.

Indispensability

It has been six years since I moved to Phoenix to do my Masters. In these years I have seen many friends come to Phoenix and stay, and add meaning to our lives, and many close friends leave for good. This month, my very close friend is about to leave, and it may very well happen that I will leave too in the next few months. This moving away feeling brings me to the thoughts in this post.

Many times, we feel we are indispensable. We feel that the value we create in our profession, in our community, in our social groups etc cannot be replaced.

The reality is nothing in this world is indispensable. The world will move on no matter what. The world does not and cannot revolve around us. People may be grateful for the service rendered, but they will not collapse in our absence. It is best to sincerely contribute when we have the opportunity, and let go, moving on to the next one when time comes, without trying to reap the fruits of the value we may have created.

The other story is also true. I may leave, but need not leave in sadness that I will not find what I have found here elsewhere. Happiness is what you create around yourself, it is not found only in a specific place or only around certain people. No city or town or social group is indispensable either.

Motivation

I came across this 43Folders post on Paradox of Motivation. It talks about the Shankar Vedantam article on When Play Becomes Work. The thoughts in this article are very similar to what I have also been thinking all along. Nice that it is able to verbalize what I wanted to express more clearly.

Work is best when not driven by rewards and punishments. It is best driven by its own value - the difference it makes when the work is done, or the lost opportunity when not done.

The article ends with an observation that is very true.

So why are rewards and punishments employed so liberally?

"People like it because it is easy," Deci said. "It is easy to offer a reward, but it is not easy to help people find their own motivation."

Collective Responsibility

Many large companies follow the hierarchical responsibility system, wherein the manager is responsible to lead a team consisting of several people who report to him. He is responsible for the success of the project the team is undertaking. He takes credit if the project succeeds, or the blame if it does not. However, his team members are working as hard as him to get the job done. His job is to oversee them, coordinate, plan, police, monitor and do whatever it takes to ensure that things are getting done in time. He is the channel for reporting status upwards in the food chain. His head is on the line if things fail, and he gets the credit if everthing goes on well.

For some reason which I am trying to discover by writing this down, this model does not seem correct to me. It seems like my value system contradicts with what is being followed in such reporting models.

That one person take credit or blame for the entire team doesn't sit well with me. It is okay for one person to coordinate all the activities and communicate to ensure that the grand vision is clear and reachable, but I think that person is in no way superior or inferior to people who perform the tasks. If things happened beyond the coordinator's control, it is not fair to blame him. Nor can he take away all the credit for the team's work just because he coordinated it. It would be against the principles of good teamwork.

The thought of 'teamwork' makes me want to clarify what I think it is about before I go on any further. In my opinion, a great team is where every member

• respects and is respected at all times, especially when opinions differ
• brings their best to the table and seeks to bring out the best in others
• is committed to, feels responsible for and seeks to achieve the common team goal

The hierarchical responsibility structure seems to encourage control. Since only the manager's head is on the line for the entire project, he better be given the power to control everyone undertaking the tasks. Otherwise it won't work. This threat cascades into authoritative leadership styles which I have described in my earlier post. The single-point-of-responsibility system subtly says "I am in charge here". Instead of also making the rest of the team feel responsible for the overall goal equally as him, this approach makes puppets out of them.

Perhaps it is true that only this model works best for large companies where alignment of vision across a large populous can be done only based on some degree of hierarchical control, and enforcement because coordination in this structure is much simpler.

Hmm... or is there a better way? This I am not sure now.

In small and medium sized organizations, self directed work teams is great. It promotes teamwork and collective responsibility. Companies like Semco have adopted it and have proven that it works. They have eliminated several layers of management in the organization. Team members take turns in coordinating projects. This approach may relatively be more chaotic, may appear disorganized, may result in more conflicting opinions that need to be resolved, but I think all these are far easier and better problems to solve. Collective responsibility will result in better interactions between people. People will remind each other when tasks slip away. Unhealthy competition and rivalry is reduced. When reminded of common goals to achieve to which the entire team is committed, people will bring their conflicts to compromises sooner. The key here is collective responsibility for the grand vision, as well as collective rewards. I will think more about the latter and write about it soon.

Acceptance

I should know and accept who I am and what I am before I try to be what I want to be.

Authority

For some reason, I have never been a fan of "authority". Authoritative leadership and management styles have never impressed me in any way.

I am the kind of person who is more pliable with persuasive/inspiration based leadership and management. I am not comfortable sharing my opinions with people who are authoritative and threatening. I stop looking at the actual problem and become defensive. I stop thinking creatively.

What do I consider authoritative leadership?

An authoritative leader

• forces his opinion on people. He does not let people make their decision.
  
• needs to control to see things done the "right" way.
• needs to create fear of consequence in order to get things done.
• will try not to give any impression that he could be wrong because he is supposed to be right, otherwise he cannot command respect.
• grooms puppets, not self-reliant thinkers.
• trusts very few.
  

An inspiration based leader

• tries to persuade and convince based on reason, and also allows himself to be convinced if reason prevails.
  
• knows that there is something to learn from everyone.
• does not use his power and position to dictate terms with people.
• cares to first understand what the other person is thinking, and tries to start from there.
• acts more and talks less.
• does not fear to admit mistakes.
• allows people to make mistakes as long as they learn from them.
• can be trusted.
  

Marriage

Marriage is a sensitive topic. It is not easy to openly discuss such topics with anyone and everyone. When I was looking for a girl who I could live with, I found it hard to approach the project with the right mindset. I always wondered what I should ask, how I should describe myself, what I really wanted... There was fear and uncertainty. There were desires, likes and dislikes. The focus was a lot on myself - what I wanted, what I feared, how I should appear, what I deserved and so on. But it took a while for me to realize that marriage is not first about my needs, but about the other person's. I just thought I should help my fellow bachelors with my humble little tips gathered from my experience. Readers should remember that I am from an Indian background where dating is not a norm.

• Be yourself. Don't try to portray who you are not. Your wife is at least the one person who should know the real you.
• You could use daily activities as an ice breaker in conversations. It is easy to talk about what you did that day, what you will be doing, what you are doing etc. Small talk leads to interesting topics for discussion and tell a lot about people. Feel free to digress wildly.
• Have the right intentions. Do not go with the intention to win something. Do not go in with the fear of losing something. Go with the intention to be happy.
• Patience pays. Don't rush to reveal yourself, don't rush to find out about her. Act upon the situation. Let things flow. Wait for the right time to talk and to ask.
• Make room for questions - a lot of them. See if you can make questions a norm in your initial conversations. Give the other person total freedom to ask questions openly that will help her know you better. You could say "I had a whole list of questions for you. I am sure you would have them too. Feel free to ask if you remember any."
• Gather facts. Withhold judgment.
• If you are nervous, admit it. Nothing wrong in that. It will free you up (and the other person too) and help you be yourself again. You could say "Sorry, I haven't been in such a conversation before, and you are a new person to me. So I am a little nervous. So bear with me while I take sometime to open up and feel comfortable."
• Try to know why you want to marry. It helps if you understand what you are seeking in a marriage.
• Try to find out what makes you happy. Make a long list. Talk about it to the girl. Let her know what ways she can make you feel happy.
• Admit imperfections at the right time with sincerity. If you know things about you that irritate others, talk about it. Trust that the other person will appreciate your warning and take it at face value. There is nothing better than knowing that your wife still likes you despite your shortcomings.
• Don't expect perfection. Know that you will not find it. Recognize and accept imperfections of others. Treat people with dignity because no one can be perfect. Only if you can be tolerant of others' imperfections can you expect them to accept yours.
• Try to find out what makes her happy. Find out her likes and dislikes. See what you will be able to do to bring happiness into her life.
• Acknowledge what you like about her immediately. Don't wait to express happiness.
• Express your basic expectations up front. Try not to have a long list, and be open to possibilities. Don't rush to close doors - let them close themselves. Let your judgment be on the lines of "Do I have the ability to accept, tolerate and live with this in my marriage?" as opposed to a check or a cross mark in a checklist of desires.
• Express care. I think all people who marry, marry for this reason only. They want to be cared for. They want to be loved. Remember, marriage is not just about you.
• If you like the other person sincerely, but are not sure about how she feels, don't fear rejection and stop investing yourself. Only trust and faith can take you through.
• Matching value-systems of two people lead to better chances for a happy life. So seek for commonality more in fundamental belief systems than in daily interests.
• Make sure the girl really likes you for who you are before you decide to go for it.

Inspiration

I realized that being inspired from within is far better and preferable to being inspired from outside.

Often times, we like doing things because some one we admire executes something wonderfully - perhaps play an instrument to perfection, speak and motivate people, program well etc. I have been fortunate to have found myself among many talented people, and many of them I have wanted to emulate. I have learned so much from all of these people. But the most fulfillment I have felt is when I achieved something of my own accord - when I have inspired myself to do something. It is an irony that at the end of such an experience when I am able to express myself with clarity, I end up feeling that I couldn't have done it myself. I guess that is the beauty of it.

It is good to be inspired from people around us. But it'd be great if all of us can seek inspiration from within ourselves. It is in there - without doubt. And the best way to find it is to accept ourself for who we truly are - our strengths, our weaknesses, our imperfections, our guilt, our desires, and then, do the right things with a strong faith that it will find us.

Action speaks more

Gratitude and Love is expressed best by action than by words.

Accepting the full spectrum of human emotions

Swami's study circle yesterday on "Accepting the full spectrum of human emotions" was a very needed one because this was where I was heading to in the last few months without being able to word it correctly. This study circle seemed to put more pieces of the jigsaw puzzle in place.

All of us tend to accept positive emotions like love, faith, trust, joy but tend to not accept negative emotions like anger, fear, jealousy. This study circle was a persuasion to accept all emotions with equanimity. The most interesting questions for me were "What is the benefit of accepting all emotions?" and "What does accepting really mean? What should you do to accept an emotion?"

Here is my second take on these questions.

When we resist a negative emotion and avoid it, the we actually move away from the solution of the underlying problem to a greater extent than at the time when we first experienced the emotion. For example, when I am angry with someone because they insulted me, and as a result I try to avoid facing them or try to remember the incident because it makes me even more angrier, all I am doing is running away from the problem. The other option I often take is to drive the emotion away from me or keep it locked somewhere hidden, by performing acts of justifying the act, defending myself and rationalizing that I was right. Other times, I live through the emotion without really wanting it and this drains me to a great extent both physically and mentally.

What we run away from will eventually follow to haunt us some day. If we are ready for the pain we may face when the locked emotions resurface, we are free to use these paths.

The other approach is to accept these negative emotions. I am still seeking to clearly understand what the process of "accepting" the emotion really entails, but I guess it is about

- becoming aware that you are feeling painful emotions
- identifying the emotion that is causing the pain
- saying to myself that it is okay for me to feel this way (betrayed, angry, fearful, jealous etc.)

This is the toughest part because our natural instinct is to avoid these emotions and shove them away far enough that we don't see them ourselves at that time.

The next step then I guess, is to come face to face with it by asking oneself

- why I am feeling this way
- what do I really want for me and others
- what action can I take to create the result I seek

This process of questioning takes real guts because it makes us bring everything out to the table and reason objectively. It may reveal our own imperfections and invite us to take action about it.

Lot my thoughts on this topic have been influenced by this very nice book on Emotional Awareness. If this blog interests you, I highly recommend that you read the book.